Just Breathe

“Your breathing should flow gracefully, like a river, like a water snake crossing the water, and not like a chain of rugged mountains or the gallop of a horse. To master our breathe is to be in control of our bodies and minds. Each time we find ourselves dispersed and find it difficult to gain control of ourselves by different means, the method of watching the break should always be used.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh

Airbag – Tablo

Wow, I can’t believe that I’m already done with my fourth week of college. Everything is pretty much a blur to me. I couldn’t even believe that tomorrow is Friday. At this point, I’m not quite sure how I feel about all of it. It’s pretty difficult putting into words because from the moment I got here, everything has only been expressed through my facial expressions and my reactions, I haven’t had the time to really wrap my mind around things.
I’ll admit here, I miss my parents. I miss how they used to drive me crazy. They came to visit a few days ago and now I can’t wait till they come to visit again. I miss my dad’s home cooking and I miss my mom laughing with me while watching Korean dramas. I even miss conversing with her in Korean all the time and having her making fun of my Korean because I still have a long way to go. Oh, how I really miss being home sometimes.
And above all things, I severely miss my sister. I don’t miss being roommates with her, but I miss bothering her and laughing at the same things with her. I didn’t think I would say this about my sister let alone my parents, but I guess I have mentally gotten there.
Well, this is all a part of college. Soon enough, I won’t feel like this at all and I have yet to determine if that is what I really want. I’m not saying that I want to stay with my parents forever, but would it be wrong to completely forget them and my sister? They are my strongest support system after all. Hmm, the things I ponder. As for the video, this particular song helps me through these kinds of times when I start thinking about my family.
If you want the English translations, follow this link: http://popgasa.com/2011/10/13/tablo-feat-naul-airbag/
Until then, stay happy and be true to yourself. It can be easy to lose that quality.

…Until it’s gone.

You know the saying, “You don’t know what you have till it’s gone”? Well, it just knocked the air out of me again. I just finished hand-writing a letter to my best friend in the army. His name is Stephen and I didn’t really get close to him until my senior year of high school (last year). I talked to him on the phone for the last time about two weeks ago on Wednesday, September 11th, 2013 at 8:55 PM right before my badminton practice. I didn’t even get to properly say goodbye to him because I was too busy trying to get my friend Scott (another one of my best friends) to get to talk to him before he ships out. The last thing I said to him was that I will talk to him after he gets a hold of Scott and get to say goodbye. Of course I tried calling him back, but I think he already fell asleep because he was shipping out 4:00 AM the next morning.

I know that he isn’t really gone, he just won’t be able to call, text, or hang out for the next 9 weeks. But all the same, he is one of the few guys that I have allowed myself to trust in my life so far (along with my friend Scott). Obviously, they aren’t perfect, but they have come close to being the best friends I could ever ask for in my life. I am so blessed that I got to get close to them and become best friends with them. Never did I think my best guy friend since the second grade could be trumped by people I just met in high school. It’s a funny thing when the people you thought you knew the best turn out to be exactly the opposite just because of someone else. But other than that, I just remind myself to be that much more grateful that I got to meet better people.

I honestly miss Stephen like crazy. I miss how we make fun of each other all the time and always have staring eye contests. And of course, I miss calling him Chicken like I always do. I always thought that when I went to college and moved in, I would never feel homesick…I was dead wrong. I am so homesick for the best friends that are still in the town that I grew up in and the friends that get to keep hanging out and get to know each other. I know that college is about meeting new people and I definitely have, tons of people actually, but all the same, nothing beats people you’ve basically known your whole life.

All in all, I now really feel what it means to know how good I’ve got it till it’s gone. This applies to my best friends and above all, to my family. My family drives me crazy without a doubt, but they have always done the best the can. Although it isn’t much due to other issues out of our control, they still tried. My older sister who is acts more like a younger sister is about 2,000 miles away in Denver, Colorado responding to disasters to pay off her student debt for one year. My mother who is the most inspirational and loving person in the world is still working 12 to 13 hours a day without rest, without much meals, and without much time to herself. The little time she does have for herself is spent at a gym with a personal trainer that I pushed her to get. My father, who is the most stoic and least outspoken person I know actually calls me to check up on me and leaves voicemails when I don’t answer. Just a little backstory, my father hates his phone and virtually NEVER answers it when we call. Now he has become the one to call me. Not a day went by that they didn’t drive me nuts when I was home together with them, they are still MY irreplaceable family. I love them to death and although they don’t know it, I would do anything for them. I honestly would. I never thought I could before moving into my dorm, but now I understand. I understand unconditional love because I miss it immensely.

I know it’s still early to say things like this considering that I’m a freshman and barely through the first month of school, but regardless, I’m really starting to wonder about all the things that people said about college. They say that its the best years of your life and that you will meet your lifelong friends here. Then they say that things were great for them from the beginning and that there is nothing in the world that will compare to their college years. Is that something that is meant for me, or did I meet the best people in my life in high school? I’m really starting to wonder and I’m not really sure of much anymore. I hope, things will change. It is only in my best interest to look for the best in life, and I will try my best to do so. I hope all of you are doing well and that my blog continues to be a positive place for you!